TNA's Really Dumb Street Fight

The 2-25-10 edition of Impact featured the dumbest street fight I've seen, probably ever. Kevin Nash and his buddy Eric Young confronted Scott Hall and Syxx-Pac. Hall and Pac have been "fired" for weeks now but that doesn't stop them from showing up at every show. Ya know I faulted WWE security for letting some random chick backstage on Raw. But apparently TNA security is just as incompetent if they can't keep out two over the hill, out of shape wrestlers.

Anyway the fight starts with Young and Nash approaching Syxx-Pac. I'd like to note that Pac is wearing an outfit that screams "I don't give a shit". After some taunting by Pac, Young charges with fists a flying. The camera goes in tight on the fight until a scream is heard off screen. The camera pans over to show Nash down and Hall holding a pipe. Thank goodness TNA didn't show Nash getting hit. That would have been, I don't know, INTERESTING!

Hall stumbles over to help Pac but not before Young nails Pac in the head with an air tank looking thing. The tank makes a nice hallow sound when it smacks the ground. This leads me to think the tank hurts about as much as a freaking pool noodle.

Hall nails Young with a series of punches that just seem halfhearted. He tosses in a chop for...variety I guess? He gets up in Young's face and starts talking about staying out of "family business". Pac delivers a round house kick to Young which surprises me. Not because it's impressive, but because it's the closet thing this fight has had to a wrestling move.

With Young down, Pac walks over and picks up a spray can. Oh dear. I know what's coming. Why? Honestly? I know that "The Band" is supposed to be the nWo. But does TNA really need to rip off every single nWo trademark. How about some freaking originality. Pac attempts to write "4-Life" on Young's back. I say attempts because he makes the "4" ginormous and thus has to squeeze the "Life" into a small area. As the tagging takes place Hall exclaims "just like the old days." Thanks Scott, I haven't had my intelligence insulted enough while watching this show.

Hall and Pac walk off screen and this segment mercifully comes to an end.

Ultimate Warrior Turns Down WWE Hall of Fame

The Ultimate Warrior is a wrestling legend. Perhaps his most enduring trademark is intensity. A intensity that manifested in pure, unbound lunacy. In short, The Ultimate Warrior was a nutjob. He bolted to the ring during his entrances. On the mic, he spouted long, nonsensical promos.

So yeah The Ultimate Warrior was crazy, but that was just a character right? Sadly no. Jim Hellwig, the man who portrayed Warrior, is truly batshit insane. That rambling speaking style he used in his promos is actually how he talks. Over the years he has said a lot of befuddling and utterly moronic things. Here is one of his most infamous moments:



Yeah I'm not even going to touch that one. Instead I'm going to talk about his latest dumb move. Recently WWE invited Warrior to join The Hall of Fame. Initially he accepted. But now with the induction ceremony just weeks away, Warrior has changed his mind. Let me reiterate. WARRIOR TURNED DOWN THE FREAKIN' HALL OF FAME!

Why? Honestly? Actually scratch that, I don't want an answer. If Warrior were to respond I'm sure it would be prolonged and offensive. Whatever, Warrior. I can't begin to imagine your reason for saying no but I hope you understand the finality of the situation. Considering the extremely rocky history you've had with WWE this chance is unlikely to come up again. But then again with wrestling, anything can happen. One thing is for sure: The Ultimate Warrior will not be in the WWE Hall of Fame class of 2010.

Hogan Gives Abyss A Ring

In June of 2003 "The Monster" Abyss debuted in TNA. His persona is a big powerhouse masked man. Such a gimmick is a dime a dozen in pro wrestling. Over the years he's jumped between face and heel. As of late he's adopted a cowardly lion like tameness. Naturally the passiveness had led to him getting pushed around, namely by Eric Bischoff. Things came to a head on the 2-18-10 edition of Impact. Hulk Hogan stops a Bischoff orchestrated in-ring beat-down. He then demands that Abyss meet him in the back.

What follows is a really dumb segment. Abyss nervously paces in Hulk's office. Hulk busts in, shouting that he's "done with this crap". Bischoff tries to enter but Hulk shoos him away. Hulk tells Abyss that the cowardly thing is over, Abyss will never be a coward again. To strength his point he begins listing off powerful people and the items that give them strength. Superman has his cape, Popeye has his spinach. As a comic fan I can tell you that Superman's cape does not in fact give him power. But whatever, I'll let that one slide Hulkster. What I won't let slide his spiel about his "Hall of Fame Ring". Note that he doesn't say WWE Hall of Fame. Why? TNA has no problem ripping off the Montreal screwjob and having Kurt Angle mention WWE.

Anywho Hulk says that ring is "the only think that never left him." Obviously he's making reference to his messy divorce with Linda. But he seems to be forgetting somethings. What about his son Nick or his daughter Broke? I guess they don't count right. What about Bischoff or Brian Knobbs or Bubba The Love Sponge. Or any of the other pitiful sycophants who kiss Hogan's ass all the time. I guess that's not enough. Yeah Hulk your real alone brother.

Hulk gives Abyss the ring. Now Abyss shall be a coward no more. End of segment, end of my patience. This segment is bad, but at least it has some unintentional humor. I epically love the Bischoff appearance. The short bit of Bischoff opening the door and being told "Not now Eric" is hilarious especially if viewed without context.

TNA Press Conference Confirms Impact's Move to Monday

Weeks of speculation have come to end. Starting on March 8th, TNA Impact will air on Monday nights at 9-11PM. That puts them head to head with WWE Raw. It's a bold move. Some are saying this is the re-birth of the Monday night wars. I'm not so sure. This new development is exciting but I can't help but feel TNA is in over there head. I'm not going out of my way to be cynical, I'm just being realistic. Raw brings in well over double the viewership of Impact and that's without even trying. The edginess that Raw used to have is long gone. In it's place is a largely stale product. Yet the sad fact is that stale product greatly out performers TNA, even when TNA is trying really hard.

SpikeTV seems to be behind TNA. That's good. But from a business standpoint that support can only last as long Impact delivers solid ratings. It's an uphill battle. The strides TNA has made in the last eight years are impressive. One can never take away those accomplishments. That said, their booking sucks a lot. There are moments of greatness, but generally speaking TNA shows are poorly written. TNA must take note of those weaknesses and attempt improvement. The move to Monday is a big deal, but it means nothing if TNA isn't ready to step up the game. If they don't fix the writing and WWE puts even a fraction of effort into there phoned in shows, then TNA would be quite thoroughly fucked.

In the bigger picture, I think Dixie Carter summed it up best with the by saying "The real winners are the wrestling fans." She hit it right on the head. What TNA represents more then anything is freshness. It is a breathe of life into an industry that has lost it's spark.

Some Chick Hits Bret Hart

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So Bret Hart got kayfabed injured on the 2-15-10 edition of Raw. The car accident thing is pretty standard I guess. WWE has a history of injuring it's superstars with vehicular zanyiness. Like when Stone Cold was run down at Survivor Series 1999. Or when Vince McMahon's limo exploded, seemingly killing him. Yup WWE loves their auto accidents, that's all well and good. But there is one element of the Bret segment that doesn't sit well with me: the lady who hit him. Am I supposed to buy that some random chick backed into a clearly parked LIMOUSINE. What the hell was she doing back there any way? Is she with the event staff? If not then what where the fuck is security? Do they just let any old stranger drive around the backstage area during the show? To me that seems like a bit of security risk.

If WWE wants me to suspend my disbelief, if they want me to get caught up in the accident, then it helps to have the basics covered. To me the nameless lady driver is a big lose end. She has no logical reason for being backstage. As a result I spend all the time I should be worried about Bret just wondering what the woman's deal is.

"You deserved to be screwed Bret!"

I really loved the McMahon/Cena/Bret segment on the 2-8-10 edition of Raw. All three parties made the segment work but I feel McMahon especially shined. When it comes to WWE, there are few things more entertaining then Mr. McMahon in full on heel mode. When I hear him say things like "When God created the heavens and the earth, it wasn't Adam he had in mind. It was me." I am reminded that few performers have such an amazing ability to draw such instant heat.

WWE is doing a fine job building up the McMahon/Bret feud. I eagerly await the Wrestlemania pay-off. The novelty of Bret's return has yet to wear off on me. I know many are indifferent to Bret being back, but for my own part I think it's fanatic. I wasn't watching wrestling back in Bret's prime but I have seen enough old footage to develop a love for the Hitman. As McMahan vs. Bret approaches I am reminded of hype that surrounded McMahon vs. Hulk Hogan from Wrestlemania 19. And as special as that was, I feel McMahon vs. Bret eclipses it. Hogan return so often the novelty has worn off. When the Hulkster made his recent jump to TNA I was underwhelmed by his entrance because I had seen him return about a hundred ga-gillian times.

Bret is a different story. He was done with wrestling, both physically and emotional. A year ago I would have settled with just seeing Bret stand in a WWE ring. That alone would have been astounding. But no here we are, ready to see Bret compete at Wrestlemania. Yes I know that he won't really be "wrestling". His bout with McMahon will likely be labeled "No DQ" or "A Street Fight". Regardless of the match stipulation it will be a brawl. But I'm more then okay with that.

I love a heel Vince McMahon. I love that Bret is back. It is going to be a grand Wrestlemania

William Shatner Speaks WWE Themes

William Shatner speaking WWE entrance themes was a brilliant segment. Kudos to the writers for coming up with it and props to Shatner for the performance. The bit could of easily came off as stupid but it didn't. It worked, it make me laugh. With WWE programming so full of misses, it makes there hits much more enjoyable.

And all joking aside, I would totally by the album if it really existed.

"Orlando Screwjob" Fall Out

So the 01-28-10 edition of Impact was littered with segments addressing the "Orlando Screwjob". I know it was to much to ask for them to ignore it all together. But did they really need to dedicate the bulk of the night it. It's like they're really proud of it, like the writers honestly think pushing it further is good for business.

The only silver lining is that we may be reaching the end of this sad storyline. Hulk apologized to the fans, Kurt made up with Hulk and agreed not to leave, and Earl Hebner was "fired". So now focus can shift back towards Kurt Angle vs. AJ Styles. In the end the "Orlando Screwjob" was nothing more then a building block for a feud. But that's what makes it even more pathetic. While the Angle/Styles feud will fade and give way to others the ghost of this Screwjob will linger. It will stand as damning evidence of why TNA is it's own worst enemy.

I understand that repetion is a big part of professional wrestling storylines. The act of ripping off a storyline is not inherently evil. Reworking a past storyline can often lead to good results. The determinate for quality is the reasoning, the logic behind the storyline. TNA's reasons for doing the screwjob are paper thin at best. I feel it went something like this: "Hey look, Bret Hart's coming back to the WWE we should find a way to capitalize on it. Hey wait a minute don't we have Earl Hebner, he was part of that screwjob. We should redo that. That would would really get the fans talking"

It did get fans talking, but not in a positive way. The moment came out of nowhere it was cheap shocker. As a result, the moment will not go down as famous but rather "infamous".